The Gravity That Pulls You Back Home

Days and weeks before, I went to Jakarta. Why, if you asked me? I wanted to meet someone, someone whom I love. It's quite irritating, this long distance relationship. But she said,

Long distance relationship could make our hair turns gray.
Let it stay,
Let's pretend it's safari miles away...

Everytime I remember her words, it always makes me smile. I must admit, she is a smart girl who has lovely delicate words. She's good at rhyming the words too. She often sends me poems through the messages. I love it. I always like her poems although she always says that my poems are better than hers (I replied the poem with another poem too). We had a quarrel once because we think the other one have better poems. We ended with a conclusion that it doesn't matter who's the best; maybe each of us just had a different taste on poems. But I don't really want to tell you about the poems now, I will tell you about that later.

So when the holiday started few weeks ago, I went to Jakarta to meet her. She is smart and funny and often makes me laugh. I enjoy every time together with her. I decided to stay there for a while so I can meet there for quite time; my grandma's house near her house and that makes me quite easy to go to her house.

Yep, how happy and how pleased I am - spending the night with her watching the stars from her balcony, kissing under the tree, or just telling stories. There's nothing else in this whole wide world that I want, only her. So I thought I was going to stay there for a longer time, it is a holiday anyway.

It was days and weeks ago, until I felt a weird feeling I didn't understand. Maybe it's because I never like Jakarta anyway: the traffic crazes me, plus the hot weather, dusty and smoky air, with the grey polluted sky as the finishing touch. I usually come here once a year, and that's on the night before Christmas - Mom wants to spend the Christmas Eve with my big family. If it's not because of her, maybe I won't go here anyway.

Or maybe it's just a silly boredom because of the holiday? I don't think so.

That is the reason why few hours ago I was in the cars I ride at this freeway, on a trip back to Bandung. I was sitting besides the window and trying to take a look outside. It was a habit of mine: doing the autism game. When I was a child, I used to count the number of the parabolic TV receiver* at the top people's house. But now, it was all vanished. People use the cable to bring the TV show. So then I changed my autism game: looking at the side of the road and looking for strange objects. The strangest one I ever saw is a nearly dead monster tail (and it still moves a little) and a very very small flying saucer**. I thought it was a styrofoam plate, but then I decided that it was only my imagination (that the thing was a styrofoam plate) and considered it as a flying saucer. Of course I didn't tell it to anyone back then, because if I told them, they would tell anybody and made them think that they're the one who found it. I hate people acquainting other's idea like that.

So now, let's back on our side of the freeway that I watched for a long time.
I do it with a purposed intend to make me forget about the strange feeling I had, in addition with this sadness and loneliness I felt since I left Jakarta, which also means that I left her. I didn't want to go far away from her actually. The car moved fast, leaving a blurry image of the side of the road. It made me a little bit dizzy. Luckily, the freeway had this very beautiful scenery. So I'll just sit here nicely and look around; green-green trees everywhere on every hill the car passed. And that made me felt like wanted to send her this poem,


Oh, how I would like to stop just a little while to just sit under that porcupine tree.
You will love the scenery,
it was green and lovely!
With the sun setting at the west,
filling the sky with magenta acquiesce,
while we're waiting the moon putting up it's crest...

Because of her, I tried to make such rhyming words too. But I don't quite get it, so maybe I'll just make the usual poems of mine. But oh, how it broke my heart to know that I was leaving her. But I just felt like my heart telling me to go back to Bandung, and you should hear your heart. The heart gives you many signs to guide you in this life journey, all you have to do just listen to it. But people nowadays tend to ignore their heart easily. It really hurts your heart if you disregard them like that.

And now here I am, standing at the center in my little and messy room, trying to observe every inches of it. If you see it maybe you'll feel like I'm a sort of an idiot, looking around every corner of the room I lived for years. But I know it, I now the strange feeling had gone. I'm smiling and almost laughing for myself. I turn on the computer, load my mp3's playlist, then laying on the bed with my eyes closed and use the big earphone on my head, listen to the Eirik and Erlend*** soft voices singing the Manhattan Skyline.

I realize. These, all of these are the gravity****. No matter how far you go, or how hard you try, there is gravity that always makes you turn back and makes you run toward home, the gravity that pulls you back home.

I feel very sorry to leave her there, but I feel glad knowing that I'm home.




* Antena parabola, maksudnya
** Seriously, do you think I'm joking?
*** King of Convenience, amazing duo who plays acoustic guitar serenely and puts me in a very peaceful situation
**** Gravity is the song written by Chris Martin, vocals on Coldplay, and then performed by Embrace. I don't know why the song is written for them, just consider that Chris is a generous person.