The Tear that Falls on the White Rose

He sat there at the playground. No, it supposed to be a playground, with the swingers and the merry-go-round. They told him so. But it was never built that way. Now it was just a parking area with all the colorful pavements. They removed the grasses and the shrubs, leaving just an oak tree behind. Instead of swingers and a merry-go-round, they just built the rounded bench around the tree for people to sit.

And there he sat, waiting for her.

The wind that night was never that cold, the shimmering lights that night was never that odd. Somehow it gave him the dim shade colors of blue and purple. Despite of all the people surrounding him or just passing by, he felt lonely and deserted, and thought that he just the only person there. Even the negative hollows, the spirits that take the enthusiastic and optimism from people when they flies through people’s body, couldn’t make him more pessimistic: he was negative already.

That night, he wanted to end it. The love he found but could never be hold, he wanted to it. He couldn’t stand the feeling of being neglected and being fooled around. Did she neglect him? Did she fool him around? She left him with doubted and wandered thoughts, and he tired with that kind of uncertainty.

He prepared a romantic goodbye; he brought a white rose because he couldn’t find a pink carnation that she loves very much. He intended to propose her, and he knew somehow the answer was going to be a big ‘NO’. He believed the ‘NO’ answer will end the uncertainty, and it would be a sign for him to leave her and move on. Maybe he would find another girl or maybe he would cry and regret the things he had done. But it was the only way, at least he thought it was.

He closed his eyes. All the vague memories he had with her just came, and gushing out like water stream in a river. Her touch, her scent, her kiss, everything he had with her. In his mind he saw a goodbye, and it made him wanted to cry. He opened his eyes to stop him thinking. He tried to drive the thoughts away, so he counted the stars like the way he used to do.

And there he sat, waiting for her.

* * *

She had enough. They argued again the night before, and he messed up again. She tired herself with the drama she had with him and the guy she had been with at the moment.

But she knew she never wanted to end it, she knew she never wanted to have enough with him. They were a perfect match. They talked together, they laughed together, they dreamt about the time when they would live together in a cheap apartment he would buy in Paris. The awful thing was, she knew she loved him much much more than anything. If he appeared just for a second, she found it enough just to make her rest of the day brighter.

But she had enough. She wanted to end up with him.

No, if I love him, why I should stop this love-train we ride? Oh, God, why can’t I be with him, or should I just be with him, the unconvinced question once again came to her mind.

She prayed to God, should I stop this? I wanted to be with him, just please give me one sign so I’m sure that he’s the one, he’s the one I’m looking for.

It was the only best she could do, hoping that God would be kind and showed her a sign, an indication so she could be with him. Maybe forever. So she waited and waited for a long time, but God wasn’t that good-hearted enough; she didn’t see a thing that could prevent her from saying goodbye. Still, she wasn’t willing to let him go, but she didn’t have any choices. She gathered all the courage she had and stood up. She had to go, she would meet him there, at the supposed-to-be playground place. He told her so. She walked. Her steps were heavy carrying the sadness of letting him go.

Before she came there and meet him, she cried.

She cried that night.

* * *

Finally she came up. He felt the love they have, but he forced the feeling to disappear.

She sat beside him and said nothing. He noticed how cold she was, and he began to think about the option of she hate her enough now and wanted to stop the love they both had, especially after the arguing last night.

‘I’m sorry for last night, I messed up, once again I’m letting you down,’ he said it with his very apologies. He turned around and tried to look her in the eye, but she didn’t. She just stared at a spot in front of her and trying to be tough. Every goodbye wasn’t meant to be easy, she knew that and she was prepared for another one now.

‘It’s okay. I’m okay now,’ another cold answer slipped from her mouth. And his heart broke. Yes, it was the goodbye he wanted, but it seemed that he didn’t have to run his scenario to leave: she was ready to leave him.

Despair met his eyes. He took a peek on the white rose he brought to stir its glance away. His right hand got the flower, and he gave it to her. There was no conversation, and he knew he didn’t have to say a thing. When can people say goodbye to the one they love, because their hearts shattered, left the minds with questions and the answers they didn’t want to hear, and made them couldn’t think clear enough just to find a words to say.

* * *

She didn’t know what to say. Her heart filled her with thoughts of leaving, made her couldn’t look him in the eye because she knew she could have drowned once again in the love he had in his eyes.

‘I’m sorry for last night, I messed up, once again I’m letting you down,’ she heard that soft voice once again through her ears, the voice that used to wake her up in the morning.
‘It’s okay. I’m okay now,’ should I leave him? She looked down at the pavement, Oh, God, just give me one sign so I could be with him.

And there is the moment when he gave her the rose with his right hand, one of the hands that used to hold her close enough she could felt his heart beating for her. She picked the white rose, and it made her trembled. Could this be the sign she had been waiting for? Yes, it was the sign that she wanted, just a single excuse so she could be with him.

All the doubtful thoughts disappeared. At the exact moment, she only was sure of one thing: she loved him.

She looked him in the eye and saw that lovely eyes again, the eyes that made all the toughness she gathered for the goodbye suddenly gone. She loved him so much and now she had found the reason for him to stay. She just didn’t realize that he loved her more than she ever knew.

Her eyes couldn’t hold the gleaming tears they had inside. A tear dropped on her face, running through the surface of her cheeks, and fell on the white rose.

* * *