kalau saya sudah mencapai titik jenuh, apa yang harus saya lakukan?

Karena sekarang gua sudah masuk Annemarie, gua merasa ikut bertanggung jawab mempromosikan acara seperti yang sudah termaktub tercantum di leaflet yang ada disebelah. Otomatis, foto bass tersayang itu harus mengalah.
Setelah acara itu selesai ntar foto leaflet itu bakal gua ganti. Walaupun sebenarnya lumayan bagus sih gambarnya, tapi gua masih lebih suka dengan foto bass biru itu.

Oya, satu hal yang gua suka dari layout blog gua yang ini adalah gua cukup mengganti foto gede yang ada di kiri atas ini dengan foto lain apapun dan tetap bakal masuk karena backgroundnya yang hitam. Jadi sepertinya hal ini mulai membuat gua nyaman dan males ngutakatik layout blog lagi. Nggak kaya Upi yang ganti layout bisa 3 x sehari sebulan. Meskipun semua layoutnya bagus-bagus. Dasar manusia-manusia super kreatif dan kaya ide..

Kembali lagi ke leaflet.
Sebenarnya ngapain juga sih gua mau-maunya posting leaflet itu segala?
Sampai repot-repot nge-scan dan kemudian ngutakatik lagi karena kurang kerjaan (I DID the red writings, if you notice...). Padahal kalau dipikir-pikir lagi, toh yang dapat duit dari entry fee yang limabelasribu rupiah dapat softdrink itu kan TRL-nya juga ya. Memang band pengisi acara bakal dapat duit semakin banyak kalo semakin banyak orang yang datang gitu?
Kayanya nggak deh.

Ah sudahlah, ngapain juga dipikirin. Lagian kalo yang datang ntar banyak dan sambutan penonton hangat, kita kami yang di atas panggung juga yang senang.

Tapi gua hanya memberitahukan hal ini kepada kalian saja ya, nggak ada niat maksa sama sekali kok. Mau datang sukur, ga datang juga ya terserah. It's your choice anyway.
But I'll be happy to meet you guys there.

When the night comes, Mom always tells me not to go outside.

She tells me that before she kisses my forehead.

Good night, Dear, sleep tight...

Good night, Mommy...

I close my eyes. I still can feel Mommy sitting right beside me. But when Mommy has already gone downstairs, I jump down from the bed. She left the lights on because I don't want any monsters come out from under the bed when it's dark already. They like to steal my toys. That's why I hate them. *

I don't want to sleep now, I'm not sleepy already. But Mommy said it's not good for a five years old boy like me to stay awake at time like this, so I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep until she left me alone in my room. Now, I sit kneeling on a chair that I put in front of the window, watching the world outside. There's nothing interesting tonight; I don't even hear the strange sounds like monster howling or the conversation between the owls and the talking trees. Breeze, the nocturne, isn't here either. Usually when I sit in front of my window at night, like this time, she always greets me by making a very little tornado from the falling leaves under the old willow tree nearby my house on the top of this hill. I never get bored with it, she always comes with other performances I have never seen before.

But she isn't here today, so I look up up to the sky and look at the stars. Many many stars up there, maybe I just try to count them. At the count of one-hundred-thirty-five-thousands-and-seven-hundred-forty-nine stars. I stop and remember the star I am going to count. It's planet PluPlu. The place where I've met the girl who lived with BuBu.

Marvin, will you come here?

There's no sound from Marvin, the manically depressed robot**. He is a nice robot actually, it's only he's been installed with this real people's personality. Unfortunately, he's got a depressed person.

Marvin, will you wake up and come here?

...did you say the password?

Oh, the password, I forgot. Please?
Almost soundless, Marvin finally came to me.

Oh, kids these days, they don't even put a little respect even on a piece of big-headed-robotic-junk like me...

Oh, please don't say it Marv. I feel bad about it and I apologize, really. You know I tend to forget things.

Oh yeah, and we robot supposed to remember anything and not make mistakes?
What kind of world is this...

Meanwhile Marvin keeps talking, I try to remember the day I went to Planet PluPlu and met the girl who lived with BuBu on Planet PluPlu.

Shhh, lower your voice, Marvin, or Mommy would hear us.

...and by the time she comes my head will be already exploded...

(shhhh-ing) Marvin...

...and then my body will be collected by junk-collector at the garbage dump...

(shhhh-ing) MARVIN...

Okay okay, I will be in silence as long as I could take living in this unfairly world we live in...

Do you know Planet PluPlu? I cut his talk.

He's in a complete silence for a second before he say,
Yes, I do.

Let's go there! We have our spaceship buried under that old willow tree, right?

And what do you mean by let's go there? Having a headshot from your mother by the time we come back? Oh please, I can't stand the garbage dump. Just kiil me now instead...

Aww, come on Marvin, please give me a hand? I want to visit my friend there.

We can talk about any trip tomorrow and certainly not tonight. And please do not talk about giving a hand anymore. Thirty years ago, your uncle said it and I ended up navigating a plane with only one hand***.

Pleaseeee, just this time. I promise I won't ask anymore again next time.

No, not a single your seducing attempt will change my mind.

Oh, you're so not cool! I get angry at him.

Ah, so human, keep on blaming others. So now I'm the guilty one, huh? Be my guess...

He keeps standing there beside me. I don't want to look at him because I still angry. Why he doesn't want to go there anyway? I think it will be quite adventure to have.
But he's right, I blamed him for nothing. It makes you really awful for blaming others for the mistakes that they didn't do. And he keeps standing there looking at me, while I don't know what to say to make an apology.

Marvin?

Now what? I'm stealing all the pancakes in the refrigerator?

I know I'm wrong. I’m sorry...

If you feel guilty, apology must be accepted then...

We're still friend, right?

Yes, a friend or humanic-robotic relationship or anything you like to call will do...

I get down from my chair, smile and give him a big hug.
Thanks Marvin...

And then he said, It's okay but I don't really like this melancholy situation. It even makes me feel really pathetic and I don't know why.

Haha, you're such a funny robot...

And you should go back to bed before Mommy comes here to turn the lights off and find you still awake this late. We'll think about journey tomorrow. Don't do that and I'll call you Kiddo.

Yikes! I don't like being called "Kiddo".
Okay. You should go back to sleep too. Goodnight Marvin.

Goodnight to you too. I hope I don't get that terrible nightmares when I go back to sleep...

I go back to bed again and try to make myself sleep. But it a hard thing to do because I’m thrilled with Marvin's plan of going on a journey tomorrow. Marvin always says depressed thingies, but he never tells lies. So I close both of my eyes to cast me to sleep and I wake up tomorrow.

And then I fall asleep again...








Footnotes:
* Read :: The Ballads of Mr. Reindeer. It's the previous story, which is the first story of this anthology thing I wanted to make. It's about a character of "me", a five years old boy who is playing with his own twisted mind between fantasy and reality. I wanted to make a separate blog for the stories, but haven't done a thing until now...
** Marvin-The-Manically-Depressed-Robot is character
from The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, film by Garth Jennings, who also directed Blur's "Coffee and TV" video.
*** One of the scene which Arthur came to Vogon-Land to rescue Trillian, from the same film I mentioned before.

The big picture on the upper-left is my bass. I took the picture three years ago, at the early of 2003 I think, but I still like it and I think it's okay to show it to all of you.

Oh, how I miss playing that bass; I rarely play it nowadays because of the daily routinity keeps me busy all the time. Then I remember when I played it with my bandwhen I was in high school.

But let's get enough with the past for now, I never like to remember the past anyway.

Because memories are made to be forgotten.

A new year makes people create their new resolution. I see it almost on every page I visited: I want to be like this, I want to be like that, I hope I could do this, I hope I could do that. Is it quite helping? Creating an objective someone has to achieve?
For me, I didn't make it for my own special reason: I don't like resolutions. I've tried it two years before, and nothing I achieved. Later, it turned out to be such a disappointing things when I accomplished none of it. Well, I didn't really think about the disappointment effects because I focused my mind on different things and I already forget about all that goddam resolutions.

So I didn't make any resolutions last year, and it DID make me feel better. Except when everyone like asked me, "What are your resolutions?" or, "Did you make some resolutions this year?" I just simply answered them, "No, I don't have any," and then continued with, "And if I have it, why should I told you anyway? Well, it's MY OWN resolutions, I think?" Yep, that's the way it is. People just love to get into other people's business. Ask this, ask that, as if they could do something big to contribute in other people's life so they could become something special to others. It really make them feel better, to know that someone appreciates them that much. But for me, it's bothering. Funnily, if I get angry to them for wanted to know my things, they just think that I am a BAD person, not them. It's just like that and I become the GUILTY one.

Hmm, let's go back to that resolution things. Now, when I think about it again, I admit to hate the resolutions. No, I don't hate people who made resolutions. But yes, I hate people who made this kind of resolutions: I just want to be a better me. Of course, you all goddam idiot, everyone wants to be better. The problem is HOW and WHAT to do so you can be a better person? It's like you just want to hope and do nothing; sloth has consume your mind too much. It's like you want to be far-and-great-better, but it turns out to be okay if you just improve just-a-little-bit-better. It's okay as long as there's something better improvement even though it's just a litte. Such a pathetic person you people are. I think it's the same as if they never made any resolutions. Just consider the gap between that great-better and that a-bit-better; it can have a great distance between them but they just pretends as if it doesn't matter.

So I don't like the idea of making new resolutions. They're tend to turns out to be just phonies things anyway. You won't think about it later when you think you should. It's like rules, which made to be broken. So why people should think about resolution anyway?

My friend asked me to come watching his band, Annemarie*, playing in a small concert on Saturday afternoon. "I don't have much thing to do", I replied him, and then said, "I'll come." It's a charity show named Shining-something, I wasn't quite sure if it's Shining Hopes or Shining Soaps or none of it, but the name wasn't really important anyway. I didn't even know what kind of charity they'll do, and I didn't really care about thing's happening. Maybe there was a bomb explosion again? Or Tsunami part 2**? I tell you again, I knew nothing about what's happening in the world outside and I didn’t really care either.

The band would play there alongside other indie band, which is quite interesting. There's nothing more interesting than an indie thing, because they provide you (sometimes) with a fresh and better things. They don't depend on the market's judgment to create new things; it's just their own style. That's why they called indie which comes from the independent word.

But when later I knew that the concert is held at Sky FM, I changed my mind to go there already. Well, I never went there before, but I knew that the place is small and clustered, so I think it would be boiling like hell in there. And the acoustic of the place isn't really good either. But I have already made a promise to my friend. And Frank said, "Never make a promise you can't keep," as the third rule***. Promise is a very important thing, and you'll hurt somebody's feelings if you don't keep your promise.

So I tried to think good things happening there to encourage me to come. Hmm, it actually didn't sound that bad like I said before. I mean, the place is BAD, but the show is quite a thing. I like to come to a music concert actually.
The sound, the beat, the rhythm of the music gather at one, mix into one specific response received by the nerves and delivered it to the brain. If the brain likes it, it will respond to the nerves which are sending it to all over the body, and resulting a lefty-righty-shaky move at the body and the head.
What's happened if your brain doesn't like it?
Simple, it will give commands to the foot to leave the place at once. Or maybe just a single words of, "Bollocks****," or, "Shut up, will ya?" is enough.

And so, that is the story why I am here now.

Standing at the back row, luckily I'm tall, I watch Annamarie playing Wonderboy. It's the third song I think, I'm not quite sure. But I enjoy the music; I heard their recordings often if you ask me. And the music is nice.

Come to the place, it's like I think before: small (I think the festival area is about 10m x 10m), clustered, and crowded. But what I feel weird is: all the people sitting in front of the stage area, the moshing pit. Hey, aren't you supposed to be dancing like crazy and just go insane? The music is pop and the beat is nice, for God's sake; it's as if they are listening to a jazz concert because they don't even shake a single thing on their body. Come to think of it, it's better to listen to jazz concert, I think; it's like they're attending a seminar actually, just sitting there and looking to the front attentively. Even when the indie rock and roll band comes up later, they do the same thing. Well, if they're not deaf, they surely don't have a good sense of music. Nevermind the bollocks*****. They're pathetic anyway.

The song has finished and I hear some people clapping their hands. The band is preparing another keyboard: Banyu, the guitarist will be the second keyboardist for their last song.
Hmm, isn't this the time when she plays the violin? Where is she anyway?

[Huh? You're playing violin?
Yep. She smiled to me funnily. It's her favorite pose which makes her looks even lovely.
Are you guys serious? I thought I heard no violin in the songs...
Then new arrangement it is, said him, my friend who asked me coming here.
Experimental, huh?
Well, it worked at TRL. So why not try it here?]

I look around searching for her but she is nowhere to be found. But few seconds later she's on the sideway and come to the stage. She holds the violin gently in her arm and play along in the next song.

This is the first time I watch her playing on a stage. I know she's a violist and I have seen her practicing few time. I always love the violists, I mean look at the way they play. They stand with their head face the violin on the left shoulder beautifully. Look at the way they moved the right hand elegantly gorgeous. Look at when they swing their body to the follow the tempo. Combine all of it with the beautiful sounds of the violin. What could be more beautiful than that?

But this time when I actually see her live on stage, I never know she would be that stunning. How speechless I am, not even a single word comes out from my word. The image of her at that moment leaves a great admiration and comes out that I find her very attractive. And just because of that, suddenly I feel to fall for her.
Isn't it funny, the way how we could fall for someone else?
She keeps watching her left fingers moving on the strings. One time she closes her eyes and has a little smile on her face as if they're nothing left in this world except her and the sounds of her violin.

One moment, I think she looked at me with inquiring eyes. But maybe it's just an illusion. There are a lot of people in the crowd here, why would she see me anyway, although I could see her well from here and she could too.
Anyway, the band has finished the song and they go backstage. I follow them there and congratulate them, "There's nothing I could do about the sound (yeah, it's pathetically frustatic...) but all of you did a nice performance up there."
I sit there and join them watching the videotape that Rani took and having conversation with others. I know them quite well and they are nice, most of them are my friends already before they formed Annemarie. I'm going to be their additional player anyway; Dian is going to focus on the college studies. He and I are in the same major, will take the same class next semester this February. But I do not quite like the idea on focusing on the studies, so I become their additional for a moment.

Later when I just sit around, she, the violin player, come to me with her funny smile again and said,
So? How did I play? I tried asking you; I looked at you but you didn’t even look at me...
I smile, then said, You played perfectly nice, I enjoy it really...
She chuckles. Thanks.
It's the nice chuckles I think I want to hear it every morning I wake up.
You’re very welcome...

So she looked at me back then. That's fair enough; consider how I look at her all the time...









Footnotes:
* They playing some like Swedish music, and already made an album in Sweden on the indie label called MusicIsMyGirlfriend.
** The sequel of tsunami on Aceh on 26 Desember 2004.
*** Frank Martin, played by Jason Statham, is The Transporter.
**** The word is a Brit. vulgar slang, means (1) the testicles, and (2) treated as nonsense; rubbish.
*****Nevermind The Bollocks by Sex Pistols, released in 1977 on the Virgin label.

Feeling Glad And Contented

I don't even know what to talk to you about, but I feel like I want to talk about something so I'll just talk about things happened to me past few days. It was quite interesting days, actually, and I was contented because of it. In fact, I still am.

[1] My friend who just came back from Singapore on her holiday bought me Mew's The Glass Handed Kites.

It's Mew's* latest CD, which hasn't been released in Indonesia yet. And I am one of their fans. I was thrilled when I was listening to the CD for the first time. Yet, my thoughts proved themselves right: they, the band, now give their music a lot of distortion and an up-beat tempo. It's different from their album before, Frengers**, which I like most. But the new album still nice anyway.

[2] And she, the friend that bought me the CD, brought me A Clockwork Orange*** by Anthony Burgess.

It was one of the books that I was searching for on my book hunt in Jakarta. It was quite expensive, although it was already cheaper; Singapore bookstores deal a better price for the books if you compared it to Indonesia, especially on the imported books. She didn't really bring me that book, I had to change it with my own my money. So I'm near broke now, because I had already spent much on drinking at the New Year's Eve. I know I shouldn't drinking, but it was such a guilty pleasure for me.

[3] On the second day of this year, I met a girl whom I never met before. We know each other from our blog. Funny it is, I think, to realize how a virtual friend can actually be a real friend. But she was a really nice girl anyway, and we talked a lot of interesting stuff at Potluck. And she will publish a novel too, I don't know exactly when, but I think it's on this upcoming February. Oh, how I would love to make my own book, it's one of my dreams. But I never finished the stories I wrote, they just stopped because I didn't continue writing it.

[4] It's already a holiday for me on the third day of January: I didn't have anymore exams. I enjoyed my time lately by reading books and playing computer games. There's nothing more exciting than knowing that you have a lot of free time and thinking about ways to spend it nicely, isn't it? I wonder what I will do, but I think I'll just spent it on reading since I realize I have a lot of book that I haven't read. I usually bought it a lot when there's a book sale. And I mean, A LOT. So I have nothing to worry about don't have something better to do. Besides, the same thing occur with my DVD movie; there's also many I haven't watched yet. My brother usually buys the DVDs, and I don't know he has bought A LOT...

[5] And I am invited to come as a keynote speaker on a seminar at the Unisba**** on the forthcoming days. As an indie filmmaker, they want me to talk about indie movies. But I am a little bit confused with them: the seminar more-less is about increasing reading influence. And I'm not quite sure: What on the bloody hell is the relationship between reading and filmmaking? But I'll ask about it to them later...

I still have many more interesting things actually, but I don't want to talk about it here. Later, perhaps. But perhaps not either; I'm not gonna tell you about my whole goddam autobiography or anything*****.

Last but not least, there's nothing more enjoyable to me than this next vacation, although I still have some work to do.
Have a nice vacation (again), everyone.
I'll catch up with you later...














* A band, my favorite one, from Denmark
** Frengers (2003) literally means (refers to them) Not Quite Friends, Not Quite Strangers
*** Later, the book visualized into a film by Stanley Kubrick on 1971 with the same title. He also directed 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), The Shining (1980), Full Metal Jacket (1987), and Eyes Wide Shut (1999)
**** Universitas Islam Bandung.
***** Quote is taken from Catcher In The Rye (1945) by J.D. Salinger published by Penguin Books